I want to simplify everything. I don't want to decipher instructions; I want them to be obvious.
I don't want to concentrate. Basically, I don't want to brain any more. Braining is exhausting.
I watch the weather report at the end of the news, (by 'watch' I mean stare blankly at the TV and sip my wine) and more often than not, I turn to The Husband and say, "Errr... I wasn't absorbing that, what's it going to be like on the weekend?"
I don't want all of this...
What might keep me interested is more straightforward words, with appropriate pictures.
"Get ALL your washing out on Friday morning, but make sure you bring it ALL in by 4pm. Yes, I know there's a lot, but you'll be thanking me for it by 5pm.
If you're staying home Friday night you won't quite need your fire on, but have your ugg boots on standby. If you're going out, take a jacket, because you'll freeze trying to catch a taxi at 2am. Remember last time? You almost took someone's eye out with your nipples... and you are no Jennifer Aniston.
On Saturday, don't even think about washing the car or mowing the lawn, take an umbrella EVERYWHERE, and check that your makeup is waterproof. Heath Ledger was the best Joker, don't try to compete.
Sunday is windy, wash your sheets, they'll be dry in ten minutes flat. Don't go wearing any billowing skirts or dresses unless you want everyone to see your undies. And tie your hair back, nobody wants to see that mess.
Monday will get warm and damp, like...well, you know. You may not need to go to the gym, as just getting your gym gear on will be enough of a workout. Your hot flushes are going to be BAD, so pack extra deodorant. The humidity struggle will be real. You will need your extra strength frizz-free conditioner and a really good straightener. We are no longer in the 80s.
I would totally pay attention to a weather forecast like that.
The Husband would be the one turning to me saying, "Errrr, I missed all that. What's the weekend going to be like?"
Because all he would absorb would be Jen's nipples.
Stay tuned for next week when I simplify washing machine instructions. You're welcome.